Primary Rejection
For the part of you still learning that its wanting is welcome.
Working hard to be heard
Have you ever experienced rejection? Maybe you know it in the extra explanation you tuck into every request, in how hard you work to belong in a room, in the sting that arrives when someone decides about you somewhere else and you hear of it later, and maybe you know it from the other side as well, catching yourself passing over someone’s wish before they finish speaking, because your cells know that feeling by heart and hurry to stay clear of it. For me it took years to see that all that explaining and striving was performing a function with purpose, pointing back at a young one who learned early that wanting out loud carries danger, and that young one is the door this page opens, one of the five primary imprints I keep meeting in this work, all five of them betrayals of the field of love, safety and belonging we were born into.
Take your time with these
Where do I keep explaining my wants until they sound reasonable enough?
Where do I pass over someone else, perhaps so quietly that only my body notices?
Where in me does it land when a choice gets made over my head?
Speak the word rejection under your breath, and notice what answers and which pictures come.
The part of self always knows.
Rejection lands on the Will
Our blueprint doesn’t come into this world wired for trauma. It isn’t wired for abuse, isn’t wired for rejection. Wired for love, connection. So before there were words you wanted things the way a youngling wants, openly, the want standing on its own, and the natural grown-up would have got down to your height, met your eyes and asked what was stirring for you, and waited for the answer. Where that voice went missing and the wanting got passed over, met with silence or decided somewhere else, the needle of your inner compass, the one that swings to yay or to nay, learned that pointing carries danger, and because the will is not a mentality, it’s a feeling, the lesson settled into the cells and went on steering from there. And so we fight to be heard and strive to belong and justify wants that stand perfectly well on their own, and it’s not because we’re seeking attention, it’s because we want to be validated in the unique experience that we are having. The Will itself stays whole the whole time, your beautiful compass for navigation that only you can polish up, waiting for the young one to feel safe enough to point again.
Through the study of Syntropy I learned to read a yellowing leaf as a messenger, since the root and the origin of that disease doesn’t sit in the leaves, it sits in the soil, and the extra explaining, the striving and the sting are leaves of that kind, each one performing a function with purpose, so the work is to question the function and follow it down into the soil of the internal landscape, where a part of self is still waiting to be heard. In sessions I see what happens when that part finally is: the striving eases on its own, because the love that didn’t appear later in life, we are still looking for, and it turns out to have been waiting at the root all along.
Asking their name
I want you to just picture the young one whose wanting got set aside, and let them sense that this time somebody is listening. Just gently ask, will you share with me your name? Whatever comes, a word, a sound, a colour, a feeling in the belly, receive it as their yes, since how you feel is your own to say, because that feeling is unique to your experience, and that name is the first step of re-membering. Then speak to them in the voice of the one who should have said it back then, that their wanting is welcome here, that you see them and you are listening, and when that has landed, ask them softly: do you feel willing to accept that what happened happened? A no is a beautiful answer, and we thank that part for saying no, and a yes, when it comes, lets the needle of the compass swing to yay again.
From here
With a name in hand you can follow the way home through the heart and meet the young one inside the scene that still plays, going at your body’s pace and letting them lead. In a session I go there with you, into the subconscious mind where we do the retrieval work together, I guide and you heal, so whenever more opens than you wish to hold alone, reach for me through a written or live Dream Interpretation or the Syntropic Embodiment Journey, and when another of the five speaks louder, Primary Shaming waits next door. For now, drink some water, take a little walk, and let the young one know you will be back.